[Pizza Boy is speeding down Lincoln Blvd. He pulls into the McCallister’s driveway and hits one of the statues. He picks it up and heads to the door]
Harry: [to Brooke and Fuller who are just standing there staring at him] How you kids doin’? Good? Lot of action around here today, huh? Goin’ on vacation? Where you goin’? You hear me, or what? Goin’ on a trip? Where you goin’, kid? [Knock at door; Harry answers it and opens it for the pizza boy]
Pizza Boy: Okay, that’s $122.50.
Harry: Not from me, kid. I don’t live here.
Pizza Boy: You just around for the holidays?
Harry: I guess you could say that.
Frank: Hey, the pizza’s here! There you go.
Pizza Boy: That’s $122.50.
Frank: It’s my brother’s house. He’ll take care of it.
Harry: Hey, listen…Are you Mr. McCallister?
Peter: Yeah. Harry: The Mr. McCallister who lives here?
Pizza Boy: Good, because somebody owes me $122.50.
Harry: I’d like a word with you, sir.
Peter: Am I under arrest or somethin’?
Harry: There’s always a lot of burglaries around the holidays. We’re checkin’ the neighborhood to see if the proper precautions are taken, that’s all.
Peter: We have automatic timers for our lights, locks for our doors. That’s about as well as anybody can do these days. Did you get some eggnog?
Buzz: Come on, Dad, let’s eat.
Buzz: Come on.
Harry: Eggnog?
Kevin: Pizza!
Harry: Are you gonna be leaving…?
Kevin: Pizza! Pizza!
Kate: Grab a napkin and you’re gonna have to pour your own drinks.
Brooke: [to Frank] Does Santa have to go through customs? Fuller: What time do we have to go to bed?
Frank: Early. We’re leaving the house at 8 a.m. on the button.
Kate: I hope you’re all drinking milk. I wanna get rid of it. [to Megan] Don’t you dare!
Frank: Pizza boy needs $122.50, plus tip.
Kate: For pizza?
Frank: Ten pizzas times 12 bucks.
Leslie: Frank, you’ve got money. Come on!
Uncle Frank: Traveler’s checks.
Kate: Forget it, Frank. We have cash.
Peter: You probably got the checks that don’t work in France.
Kevin: Did anyone order me a plain cheese?
Buzz: [stuffing his face with a slice of cheese pizza] Yeah, we did. But if you want any…somebody’s gonna have to barf it all up ’cause it’s gone.
Leslie: Fuller! Go easy on the Pepsi.
Buzz: Kev! Kev, get a plate. [pretends to puke to spite Kevin; Kevin charges towards him knocking the milk over and soaking the passports and tickets]
Peter: Passports!
Uncle Frank: Watch it! [Peter accidentally knocks over the bottle of Pepsi which spills on Frank’s pants; Frank traps Fuller behind his chair]
Peter: No, no. Get these passports out of here. [Kevin’s ticket is accidentally thrown away]
Aunt Leslie: [to Fuller] Are you okay, honey? Come here. Are you all right?
Kate: [to Kevin] What is the matter with you?!
Kevin: He started it! He ate my pizza on purpose. He knows I hate sausage and olives and onions….
Uncle Frank: [wiping dregs of Pepsi off his pants] Look what ya did, ya little jerk!
the rest of the family stare irately at Kevin
Kate: Kevin, get upstairs now.
Kevin: Why?
Jeff: Kevin, you’re such a disease.
Kevin: Shut up! Peter:
Kevin, upstairs!
Kate: Say good night, Kevin.
Kevin: (Sarcastically) “Good night, Kevin.” Why do I get treated like scum?
Kate: [to Pizza Boy] I’m sorry. This house is just crazy. We’ve got all these extra kids running around. My brother-in-law drove in from Ohio today. It’s nuts.
Kevin: How come you didn’t bring more cheese pizzas?
Pizza Boy: Nice tip. Thanks a lot.
Kate: Thanks. [Pizza Boy leaves]
Harry: Havin’ a reunion, or something?
Kate: My husband’s brother transferred to Paris last year. His kids are still here. He missed the family, so he invited us to Paris…so we can be together. [Harry flashes his gold tooth at Kevin]
Harry: You’re takin’ a trip to Paris?
Kate: Yes, we hope to leave tomorrow morning. Harry: Excellent. Excellent.
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